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Jan. 31, 2024

Conquering Imposter Syndrome So You Can Be Your Bad@ss Self!

Conquering Imposter Syndrome So You Can Be Your Bad@ss Self!

Follow us on Instagram @getinherlane, leave us a review, or contact us through our website at https://www.getinherlane.com/.

Jamie hosts while Kat & Shan take a much-deserved break!

Have you ever found yourself grappling with the nagging feeling of being an imposter in your own professional journey? Those moments when you wonder if your capabilities will be exposed as less-than-adequate? In today's insightful conversation with leadership coach Micha Goebig, we delve into the heart of imposter syndrome, a challenge that transcends genders and professions but is particularly pertinent for women navigating industries where they find themselves outnumbered.

Micha, drawing from her own transformative shift from the corporate world to coaching, imparts invaluable wisdom on how to assertively claim your rightful space and thrive with a robust sense of self-belief. This episode goes beyond merely conquering fears; it's about stepping into the power you have rightfully earned

Discover how to tap into your inherent strengths and mold them into your competitive advantage. We explore why those things that come naturally to you are often your most valuable assets and how embracing the 'dark side' of these talents can lead to unforeseen growth.

Arming you with practical tools, we aim to help you maintain a steady reservoir of self-assurance. Micha guides you in crafting 'anchor stories' – personal narratives that remind you of your past triumphs, anchoring you in confidence during moments of doubt.

As you tune in, be prepared to emerge with the confidence to self-promote, striking the right balance between humility and assertiveness. Being a little 'selfish' might be the key to unlocking your bad@ass potential! 

Micha Goebig's Website & LinkedIn. Reach out to her!!
https://www.michagoebig.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/michagoebig/

Chapters

00:01 - Empowering Women in Male-Dominated Industries

14:22 - Understanding and Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

20:03 - Embracing Strengths, Confidence, and Selfishness

Transcript
WEBVTT

00:00:01.122 --> 00:00:04.371
Hey, it's Kathleen and Shannon here, and this is Get In Her Lane.

00:00:05.019 --> 00:00:12.329
We are two automotive professionals diving deep into why women are so underrepresented in this industry and trying to make a positive change.

00:00:12.820 --> 00:00:19.928
So ride along with us as we discuss ideas and takeaways that can help everyone further this effort in the automotive world and beyond.

00:00:20.742 --> 00:00:31.733
Hey there, automotive enthusiasts, welcome to another exciting episode of Get In Her Lane, the podcast where we endeavor to push automotive industry culture forward and take the driver's seat to see things from her perspective.

00:00:31.733 --> 00:00:35.469
I'm your host, jamie, and I'm excited to kick off 2024 with a great episode.

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First off, thank you all for your incredible support for this passion project born out of our pure desire to keep the industry evolving.

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If you're enjoying the show, please make sure to follow the podcast on Apple, spotify or wherever you get your pods.

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Follow us on Instagram at Get In Her Lane, and please tell your friends and coworkers about us.

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We love building this community with you.

00:00:54.679 --> 00:00:58.429
Now let's talk about something that hits close to home for many of us Imposter syndrome.

00:00:58.429 --> 00:01:09.126
You know that nagging feeling that maybe you don't actually know what you're doing after all, and that maybe you're not good enough, despite all evidence to the contrary, and that maybe people are going to find out that you've been faking it.

00:01:09.126 --> 00:01:13.063
It's actually more common than you realize, so take some comfort in that.

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I know I do.

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Another thing imposter syndrome doesn't discriminate.

00:01:16.307 --> 00:01:18.245
It affects us all, regardless of gender.

00:01:18.245 --> 00:01:22.250
However, in male dominated industries like automotive, it can hit a little differently.

00:01:23.079 --> 00:01:27.063
Today we're diving deep into the subject and exploring how to kick imposter syndrome to the curb.

00:01:27.063 --> 00:01:28.745
So why should you stick around?

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Well, imagine getting some great tips and tools to navigate the twists and turns of a male dominated industry with confidence.

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Picture yourself stepping into the boardroom, the shop or the showroom floor and owning your expertise.

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Without a shred of doubt, we've got a fantastic guest for you today.

00:01:42.706 --> 00:01:45.266
Joining us is the incredible Micha Goebig.

00:01:45.266 --> 00:01:50.671
She's a seasoned leadership coach who specializes in coaching women professionals in male dominated industries.

00:01:50.671 --> 00:01:55.724
Micha brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to the table, and I can't wait for you to benefit from her insights.

00:01:55.724 --> 00:01:57.563
So here you go, Micha.

00:01:57.563 --> 00:01:58.266
Welcome.

00:01:58.266 --> 00:01:59.864
It's so great to have you.

00:01:59.864 --> 00:02:14.625
We are excited to be talking with you today because you are a leadership coach focused on empowering women in male dominated industries, and we would love to hear about how you got inspired to get into that and maybe your personal journey that led you there.

00:02:15.200 --> 00:02:16.667
Yeah, thanks for having me.

00:02:16.667 --> 00:02:29.570
So the work I do I primarily do because I honestly believe that the world would be a better place for all if women were in 51% of all possessions of power.

00:02:29.570 --> 00:02:31.054
That's really what I believe.

00:02:31.054 --> 00:03:00.907
As for my journey and how I got into this particular field primarily working with women in automotive, but also in other male dominated areas I'm originally from Germany, from an area where the car industry is very big, supplier industry is very big, and I went to college and university in Munich, so there are a lot of OEMs very close to and that was the cool thing to do work for the German premium manufacturers.

00:03:01.599 --> 00:03:09.493
I went to the US first and then came back and realized that corporate doesn't really work for me.

00:03:09.493 --> 00:03:12.384
Now I call it ADHD, adult ADHD.

00:03:12.384 --> 00:03:15.412
Back then nobody knew how that shows up in women.

00:03:15.412 --> 00:03:24.045
I got my first really bad bout of a posture sooner, when I dropped out of my PhD program, so that was the first time I dropped out of something.

00:03:24.045 --> 00:03:27.328
So that was a really frustrating time period.

00:03:27.328 --> 00:03:29.037
Corporate doesn't work for me.

00:03:29.037 --> 00:03:31.227
The academics obviously not either.

00:03:32.039 --> 00:03:53.312
I started carving out a niche for myself, because I'm fully bilingual, to do communications for the car industry because that was my degree and went from mostly little spots, little articles, to speeches, up to CEO speeches for the big German premium manufacturers.

00:03:53.312 --> 00:04:00.911
Basically build an agency on the model you need English communication in a field that translators can serve well.

00:04:00.911 --> 00:04:03.366
And then that all worked fine.

00:04:03.366 --> 00:04:04.509
Then I got bored.

00:04:04.509 --> 00:04:12.233
I got into also working with executives on doing their English analyst calls, these things.

00:04:12.233 --> 00:04:19.728
And then I got bored and I was like, okay, I'm already working one-on-one with quite a lot of people and I'm already teaching workshops, which is fun.

00:04:19.728 --> 00:04:21.766
Why not do a coaching training?

00:04:21.839 --> 00:04:25.228
So I did that and right after that I moved to the US.

00:04:25.228 --> 00:04:30.250
That was a big change of course in every respect, because this time I was coming to stay.

00:04:30.250 --> 00:04:38.529
It hit me again with a big imposter syndrome what do I have to offer to people, especially as a coach?

00:04:38.529 --> 00:04:54.603
And then the other one realizing that the women in tech here in Seattle, where I am now experienced the same issues I have heard and experienced in the car industry in Germany since the 90s.

00:04:54.603 --> 00:04:57.305
And that really got me mad.

00:04:57.305 --> 00:05:00.108
And that's where I started to work on my own.

00:05:00.108 --> 00:05:22.666
My syndrome negative self-talk, perfectionism got into teaching those workshops and again into coaching and said, okay, I really want to focus on women in automotive and tech other male dominated areas manufacturing because they just have this all the same struggle and it's so hard and they need support.

00:05:23.209 --> 00:05:27.711
Yeah, and I can't wait to dive into imposter syndrome with you more today.

00:05:27.711 --> 00:05:33.822
But first, what was not working for you in the corporate world, what was not jiving where you're like?

00:05:33.822 --> 00:05:34.524
This isn't for me.

00:05:34.524 --> 00:05:35.165
I need to get out.

00:05:35.685 --> 00:05:42.038
I think for me personally, the ADHD really made it necessary for me to create my own work environment.

00:05:42.038 --> 00:05:52.327
Today it is still very hard, and I see that with women it doesn't have to be a neurodivergent issue, it can be anything Ask for accommodation.

00:05:52.327 --> 00:06:07.100
That wasn't even a thing back then, but even nowadays it's hard to ask for accommodation, right, that's what I see with a lot of mothers, for instance, even in countries, in European countries, where the regulations are a little more favorable.

00:06:07.100 --> 00:06:11.793
Even then it is hard to say, hey, this is still not working for me.

00:06:11.793 --> 00:06:15.199
Can we carve out something that really serves me?

00:06:15.199 --> 00:06:21.377
That is something I experience very quickly and I'm a change-embracer.

00:06:21.377 --> 00:06:24.869
So for me it was easy to say, okay, do something else.

00:06:24.869 --> 00:06:37.228
Most people have a much harder time with change because that really requires a really blessed upbringing of personal psychological safety, and that is a rare thing.

00:06:37.228 --> 00:06:38.288
I'm very grateful for.

00:06:38.288 --> 00:06:44.920
That allowed me to just do that big step a lot earlier and without regrets.

00:06:45.384 --> 00:06:46.666
Well, yeah, that's a lot of change.

00:06:46.666 --> 00:06:54.279
Moving to the US and then leaving the corporate life and then going off and doing your own thing that's a lot of change all at once.

00:06:54.279 --> 00:07:06.521
So, when we're talking about confidence challenges that women face, can you share with us what you think some of the most common ones are and how do you help women and what you do address them?

00:07:07.045 --> 00:07:17.560
I think the big umbrella is really I don't feel seen, I don't feel heard, I don't feel respected, I don't feel taken seriously and valued.

00:07:17.560 --> 00:07:39.446
I think that is really the most common topic that I hear and that of course, leads to major confidence issues, because either I get to the point where I feel like I don't have anything valuable to offer or whatever I have to contribute, they don't care, it doesn't have value to them.

00:07:39.446 --> 00:07:42.949
We see that in different ways.

00:07:42.949 --> 00:07:50.596
For instance, a very common one is that women in many, many companies, especially big companies, have to deliver proof.

00:07:50.596 --> 00:08:00.894
When a lot of young male colleagues are promoted on promise that is proof of a promise is a huge issue being talked over in meetings.

00:08:00.894 --> 00:08:11.899
Being asked to take notes Even recently happened to a client of mine who was a senior director was asked to take notes in a relatively conservative environment.

00:08:11.899 --> 00:08:16.110
She is a senior director Even as women.

00:08:16.110 --> 00:08:21.375
We just have the gender bias imprinted as well.

00:08:21.375 --> 00:08:30.247
There is just a lot that makes it harder for women no accommodation for female issues.

00:08:31.048 --> 00:08:32.090
I mentioned childcare.

00:08:32.090 --> 00:08:47.365
I also very simple example at some companies you are required on the shop floor to wear a certain safety uniform, not allowed to have personal stuff on you, and the bathrooms.

00:08:47.365 --> 00:08:49.028
The women bathrooms don't have timepods.

00:08:49.028 --> 00:08:52.571
Sounds like not a big deal, right?

00:08:52.571 --> 00:09:01.599
But if you are the one who has to go all across the production hall to your locker, go to the bathroom, go to your locker again, come back.

00:09:01.599 --> 00:09:04.000
Your break is five or 10 minutes shorter.

00:09:04.000 --> 00:09:07.427
It's just inconsiderate those things.

00:09:07.427 --> 00:09:09.750
There are so many that just add up.

00:09:09.750 --> 00:09:16.000
And the first point I address with clients is always okay, this is a structural issue.

00:09:16.000 --> 00:09:25.860
Basically, it's not you, it's the patriarchy, and that's not mad bashing, because that system that we have doesn't serve a lot of people best.

00:09:25.860 --> 00:09:40.201
What we need is really a combination of making those social changes and that will take a lot of time and building the confidence and resilience, because I definitely do not want all women to drop out of corporate and become yoga teachers.

00:09:40.668 --> 00:09:41.639
Yeah, but that would be terrible.

00:09:41.639 --> 00:09:42.245
That's not what we're doing.

00:09:42.245 --> 00:09:45.568
Yeah, yeah, someone's got to change the industry from within.

00:09:46.330 --> 00:09:47.009
So that's the first.

00:09:47.009 --> 00:09:48.312
It's not your fault.

00:09:48.312 --> 00:09:59.080
First getting out of resentment too, the guilt, the resentment that has to go first, because then next one is actually allowing yourself to want what you want.

00:09:59.080 --> 00:10:12.865
Maybe it is going to the C-suite all the way up, having that big ambition, but it could as well be that you don't allow yourself to say, hey, I want to be a mother first and really just be where I am and keep that.

00:10:12.865 --> 00:10:14.961
I don't want to be pushed into promotions.

00:10:14.961 --> 00:10:18.082
Either way, allowing yourself to want what you want.

00:10:18.082 --> 00:10:21.462
And then we work through all those good girl habits.

00:10:21.462 --> 00:10:24.061
We have to unlearn so much of those.

00:10:24.061 --> 00:10:36.782
And for women who are big on learning and studying most of us that's how we were raised unlearning is really a process in itself, but that's where I feel the confidence building starts.

00:10:37.302 --> 00:10:39.467
Okay, yeah, tell us more about the unlearning.

00:10:39.467 --> 00:10:46.394
What is common or typical for you to work with your clients on in terms of unlearning?

00:10:46.394 --> 00:10:47.864
Tell us more about that.

00:10:48.447 --> 00:10:49.575
Common likeability.

00:10:49.575 --> 00:10:53.466
Most of us are very trained that we need to be liked.

00:10:53.466 --> 00:10:58.044
You're a nice girl, nice, nice it's always about nice.

00:10:58.044 --> 00:11:05.461
What we need to learn is kind one will go for, because kind includes boundaries.

00:11:05.461 --> 00:11:10.765
Kind doesn't necessarily mean that I always do everything for everybody.

00:11:10.765 --> 00:11:19.758
I serve them better sometimes by saying, uh-uh, try it, come back if you need help, tell me what you've done, then we talk about it.

00:11:19.758 --> 00:11:20.942
That is kind.

00:11:20.942 --> 00:11:22.580
That's not necessarily nice.

00:11:22.580 --> 00:11:40.928
So the likeability being okay, not everybody can like you and I always feel like if some people are never happy with what you do because you're either too loud, too direct, or if you change your behavior you're a pushover Right, it's like you can't win.

00:11:40.928 --> 00:11:46.044
If that's the case, might as well be authentic and do what works for you.

00:11:46.365 --> 00:11:46.547
Sure.

00:11:46.547 --> 00:11:53.586
So you find that perfect spot and should someone have to find that perfect spot to act in, live in, take action in?

00:11:53.995 --> 00:11:57.844
I'm glad you say perfect, because that's the next I'm learning Right.

00:11:57.844 --> 00:12:01.822
Sure Well, I was using it for your example.

00:12:01.903 --> 00:12:14.167
I know it seems like you can't be too firm and direct, but you can't be a pushover and too nice and soft, and it's like what's that spot where people are going to perceive you as the best of everything?

00:12:14.167 --> 00:12:17.024
So you're not sitting there second guessing yourself.

00:12:17.174 --> 00:12:21.081
Not everybody will and I think that's one of the big things.

00:12:21.081 --> 00:12:23.741
It's okay that not everybody will.

00:12:23.741 --> 00:12:36.732
Of course you know if you have been with a company for a bit and you know what the actual steps are for you to reach your professional goals in this company or someplace else.

00:12:36.732 --> 00:12:41.785
Those things, yeah, you have to hit those marks and probably exceed them a little.

00:12:41.785 --> 00:12:48.006
But as far as the personality things go, men don't get that kind of feedback.

00:12:48.006 --> 00:12:54.086
There are studies over studies about evaluation, performance evaluations, everything.

00:12:54.086 --> 00:12:58.465
Men get much more professionally oriented feedback.

00:12:58.465 --> 00:13:12.643
Women get oh, she's not ready, she's too direct, too bossy, or she is not ready for a promotion to shy, and at that point you really have to get into that.

00:13:12.643 --> 00:13:19.876
Whatever and myself, some people will like it, others won't deal with it, and that takes work, that takes a lot of time.

00:13:20.499 --> 00:13:20.820
Mm-hmm.

00:13:20.820 --> 00:13:35.361
Okay, yeah, so you're saying a lot of the feedback or criticism surrounding women in corporate has a lot to do with more of their behaviors or the way they're acting or perceived versus the actual work product in accomplishments.

00:13:35.702 --> 00:13:52.708
Yeah, there are quite a few studies that show that, both for promotions, performance evaluations, mentoring a lot of corporate executives mentor women on confidence, which is not their specialty.

00:13:52.708 --> 00:13:57.885
They are supposed to mentor women on the same things they mentor men on.

00:13:57.885 --> 00:14:00.402
What are your steps to reaching your goal?

00:14:00.402 --> 00:14:03.703
Who do you need to, or do you need to, meet in this company?

00:14:03.703 --> 00:14:10.946
Let me introduce you to someone that's like how does this company work from the perspective of someone who's been here 20 years?

00:14:10.946 --> 00:14:13.763
Those are the things women need to learn as much as men.

00:14:13.763 --> 00:14:17.784
Confidence is wiped off with a coach or with a peer group.

00:14:18.115 --> 00:14:19.181
That's a really interesting point.

00:14:19.181 --> 00:14:21.921
I never thought about it that way, so I'm glad that you brought that up.

00:14:21.921 --> 00:14:25.445
So let's jump into imposter syndrome a little bit.

00:14:25.445 --> 00:14:28.745
I think it affects more people than you realize.

00:14:28.745 --> 00:14:30.438
I think a lot of people who feel it.

00:14:30.438 --> 00:14:35.001
They don't share that they feel that way, so it definitely is more widespread.

00:14:35.001 --> 00:14:37.782
Tell us about imposter syndrome from your point of view.

00:14:37.782 --> 00:14:41.202
When you're working with your clients, how do you help them overcome it?

00:14:41.202 --> 00:14:43.741
What are the common things with imposter syndrome?

00:14:43.741 --> 00:14:44.839
Tell us everything we need to know.

00:14:45.754 --> 00:14:58.067
First off, both for the listeners here, and that's also what I discuss with clients is the only truth imposter syndrome tells you is that you are out of your comfort zone.

00:14:58.067 --> 00:15:04.086
That's the only fact in this whole thing that might be going on in your head.

00:15:04.086 --> 00:15:05.467
That's the only fact.

00:15:05.467 --> 00:15:07.923
The only truth is you are out of your comfort zone.

00:15:07.923 --> 00:15:09.438
That's the first shift.

00:15:09.438 --> 00:15:16.166
And it's hard to believe, right, because our brains I mean obviously they are with us every second of the day.

00:15:16.166 --> 00:15:23.918
So we, our inner voice, our inner critic, knows exactly which buttons to push and they sound like the truth.

00:15:23.918 --> 00:15:35.419
It is really meant to protect us because we're out of our comfort zone and our reptilian brain says like back there, back there, ha ha, ha, you back up.

00:15:35.419 --> 00:15:40.620
I have kept your life in your comfort zone, this is where we're staying, staying alive.

00:15:40.620 --> 00:15:44.163
That part of our brain doesn't help with thriving, growing.

00:15:44.163 --> 00:15:53.020
So that is the first thing again, just to know, to just have the ability to take a step away from those messages.

00:15:53.020 --> 00:15:54.203
That's the first thing.

00:15:54.595 --> 00:16:01.899
I think Brené Brown says oh, this is my inner critic acting up to make that room between you and that message.

00:16:01.899 --> 00:16:09.484
That is very personal, which sentence you might want to choose, but that's the first step just being able to step away.

00:16:09.484 --> 00:16:26.027
If you take, even if you have a hard time believing what I just said, if you just take it as the hypothesis for the moment, then figure out are you just uncomfortable and that's why your brain is just like acting up, or are you unsafe?

00:16:26.027 --> 00:16:28.001
Are you in a toxic work environment?

00:16:28.001 --> 00:16:38.966
That you can only make that distinction when you are able to take a step back from these thoughts and believe before a moment that it's really just your brain trying to keep you safe.

00:16:38.966 --> 00:16:41.042
So then you can make that distinction.

00:16:41.081 --> 00:16:59.106
It's still hard, so you might still want a trusted person to talk this through with and, quite honestly, if you don't have a single person in your work environment, you can ask that question is this me or is this an unsafe, a toxic, psychologically unsafe work environment?

00:16:59.106 --> 00:17:05.442
Then that already points towards one answer If you don't have a single person, you can discuss that with.

00:17:05.442 --> 00:17:24.886
That, I think, is the second point making that distinction and then really working on acknowledging how your brain thinks it's keeping you safe and working on that more consistent confidence, because imposter syndrome shows up when we are in new situations.

00:17:24.886 --> 00:17:35.384
That didn't happen, like a generation, two, three ago, when people were on their farms and had basically the same thing happening most days.

00:17:35.384 --> 00:17:43.088
Then our brain is like fine, we can also handle a disaster because still, it's still in the same framework.

00:17:43.088 --> 00:17:43.998
But that's the difference.

00:17:43.998 --> 00:17:45.061
We don't have that anymore.

00:17:45.755 --> 00:17:46.355
Well, it's funny.

00:17:46.355 --> 00:18:11.761
I have a male friend so not female, but a male friend who is an expert in their field, has been doing it for 20 years and this person still feels imposter syndrome with maybe they have a big client presentation or they have a big meeting with some senior executives and it's funny because this person will be like well, are they going to find out that I'm a fraud and I really don't know what I'm doing.

00:18:11.761 --> 00:18:15.484
But I'm like you've been doing it for the last 20 years and you're an expert in it.

00:18:15.484 --> 00:18:16.961
That doesn't make any sense.

00:18:16.961 --> 00:18:20.924
It really can kind of take over your thought process.

00:18:20.924 --> 00:18:21.897
It can.

00:18:22.239 --> 00:18:28.847
It absolutely can, and it's actually good that you give an example with a man, because it's not a female problem only.

00:18:28.847 --> 00:18:39.444
It's more discussed among women and it's more common because women, especially in those male-dominated industries, are per definition more often outside of their comfort zone.

00:18:39.444 --> 00:18:43.486
So that's where a term like majority culture comes in.

00:18:43.486 --> 00:18:53.625
So usually the majority culture, especially in the automotive industry, in tech and manufacturing, is for most of us, straight white guys.

00:18:53.625 --> 00:19:14.044
If you are or have a different sexual orientation, if you have a visible or invisible disability, if you don't meet other majority standards, and of course, that same thing holds very true for people of color in those predominantly white industries.

00:19:14.044 --> 00:19:24.986
So all of that comes together and then if you say, okay, but my friend is none of that, my friend is the typical majority culture guy in this environment.

00:19:24.986 --> 00:19:27.222
They're still, of course, the very personal.

00:19:27.715 --> 00:19:28.479
How did he grow up?

00:19:28.479 --> 00:19:32.125
Did someone tell him it is best to keep your head down?

00:19:32.125 --> 00:19:37.686
That's a message many people get, depending on what their parents, their grandparents, experienced.

00:19:37.686 --> 00:19:40.795
At that point it really it can be anything.

00:19:40.795 --> 00:19:42.422
It's not safe to stand out.

00:19:42.422 --> 00:19:45.944
That's something your reptilian brain is like yeah, yeah, back back.

00:19:46.375 --> 00:19:47.340
It's trying to keep you safe.

00:19:47.340 --> 00:19:53.567
What other advice would you give for overcoming imposter syndrome?

00:19:53.755 --> 00:19:59.694
What I really like to do with people as the two exercises I really like to do.

00:19:59.694 --> 00:20:02.459
One basically targets the.

00:20:02.459 --> 00:20:08.009
Now we all say superpowers, but what I actually mean is what are you really good at?

00:20:08.009 --> 00:20:13.444
You don't even value it that much because it comes so easily and we're all trained to go for the hard work stuff.

00:20:13.444 --> 00:20:16.490
I'm a hard worker, yeah, what's easy for you.

00:20:16.490 --> 00:20:20.259
So I start there and it can be anything.

00:20:20.259 --> 00:20:27.094
It can be oh, I can easily explain super complicated technical stuff to non-engineers.

00:20:27.094 --> 00:20:31.444
Or it can be I have a good sense for getting the right people together.

00:20:31.444 --> 00:20:34.530
Or I'm super organized.

00:20:34.530 --> 00:20:38.598
I never drop a ball in project management, whatever it is.

00:20:38.598 --> 00:20:49.444
Maybe you're a fast learner, a good network or whatever it is, but that is something where we start, and just because it comes easily to you doesn't mean it doesn't hold value for others.

00:20:49.444 --> 00:20:50.988
That's the first one.

00:20:50.988 --> 00:21:03.976
There will be certain things that you are not good at because you're so good at this other thing and that so dark side of your strength it's not a weakness, it's not like for me.

00:21:04.616 --> 00:21:11.349
I am very, very good at ideation, creative things, coming up with new ways to do things.

00:21:11.349 --> 00:21:15.156
All the creative stuff comes easily to me and I enjoy it very much.

00:21:15.156 --> 00:21:16.419
I love brainstorming.

00:21:16.419 --> 00:21:23.298
I could brainstorm and ideate until the cows come home, but the cows wouldn't come home because I forget them on the pasture.

00:21:23.298 --> 00:21:28.490
I am not a person for follow through.

00:21:28.490 --> 00:21:37.040
I mean, of course I execute things, but my strong suit is really the first stage, the planning, the excitement, the motivating people.

00:21:37.040 --> 00:21:46.424
I need others who don't want to be, or they're not so drawn to that ideation planning process, but they are strong in execution.

00:21:46.424 --> 00:21:51.554
So I used to beat myself up for just like not being great at follow through.

00:21:51.554 --> 00:21:54.239
I lose interest and then it becomes really hard for me.

00:21:54.239 --> 00:22:06.424
But it's not a weakness, it's just the other side of that highly creative coin and when you learn those things for yourself, it makes you kinder towards yourself.

00:22:06.865 --> 00:22:07.548
Yeah, I love that.

00:22:07.548 --> 00:22:09.233
I never really thought about it that way.

00:22:09.644 --> 00:22:12.949
It doesn't mean that you don't have to learn it at all, but it makes you kinder.

00:22:12.949 --> 00:22:15.791
So that's one of my favorite things to do.

00:22:15.791 --> 00:22:22.338
And the other one is finding a confidence anchor story like really a memory.

00:22:22.338 --> 00:22:32.318
That is your badass moment, that is the story where you can channel, where you were on top of your world and when I say your world, it means it can be a very small world.

00:22:32.318 --> 00:22:34.008
This can be a childhood memory.

00:22:34.008 --> 00:22:39.117
Actually, for myself and many people I've done this exercise with, it is a childhood memory.

00:22:39.117 --> 00:22:45.337
Or you say, oh well, you have that bonus, I could do anything, even if you are in this small world.

00:22:45.625 --> 00:22:47.811
And it doesn't have to be a professional memory.

00:22:47.811 --> 00:22:55.749
It just needs to allow you to tap into that sense, that sense of like wow, look at me.

00:22:55.749 --> 00:22:59.673
And very often that's an old memory, but we all have that.

00:22:59.673 --> 00:23:01.155
It can be recent too.

00:23:01.155 --> 00:23:04.759
I did this exercise with someone who said, like you know what?

00:23:04.759 --> 00:23:10.390
I climbed a mountain last year and I'm not sporty, and then we stood there.

00:23:10.390 --> 00:23:16.444
It can be those memories too, but it doesn't have to be a success in the traditional sense.

00:23:16.444 --> 00:23:19.529
It really is about when can you feel that?

00:23:19.529 --> 00:23:31.853
Which story, which memory gives you that feeling, and then you can take steps to learn to really tap into that, and those two exercises make confidence a more consistent thing.

00:23:31.853 --> 00:23:33.395
You will still have ups and downs.

00:23:33.395 --> 00:23:36.259
You will still have moments where you're like, oh no, god, no way I can do that.

00:23:36.259 --> 00:23:41.444
But you have more, you have more equilibrium with it, you have a stronger base.

00:23:42.026 --> 00:23:42.787
That's great advice.

00:23:42.787 --> 00:23:49.318
I'm definitely going to have to remember to use that, especially when I'm seeking a confident moment to earn my myself Love it.

00:23:49.318 --> 00:23:58.236
So, going back to the humble brag, tell us where's the line exactly I think that can be confusing of how far to go.

00:23:58.236 --> 00:24:05.424
I mean, you want to make sure that you are promoting yourself in a positive fashion, but you also don't want to take it too far.

00:24:06.506 --> 00:24:10.210
I get this question asked pretty much every single time.

00:24:10.210 --> 00:24:22.102
I do a workshop, I give a talk, every time and the first thing I say every time saying it now too is like just by you asking that question, I know that you're not going to fall.

00:24:22.102 --> 00:24:28.508
I know that you're not projecting overconfidence, errogance, I just know that because you're worried about it.

00:24:28.508 --> 00:24:33.056
We all know people in the public spotlight who are so extreme.

00:24:33.056 --> 00:24:35.365
Do they seem like they worry about any lines?

00:24:35.365 --> 00:24:50.151
The people who are those negative role models, whoever they are for you, those people do not worry about that and personally I find like it's not a line, it's like an eight lane highway.

00:24:50.151 --> 00:24:54.127
You're not crossing that by mistake with one sentence.

00:24:54.127 --> 00:25:00.652
If you feel like now I really said too much in the whole overall context, you're still.

00:25:00.652 --> 00:25:04.390
You aren't even across the middle lane.

00:25:04.390 --> 00:25:09.088
So that is something it takes a long time to not worry about.

00:25:09.088 --> 00:25:12.722
It again because of societal messaging parents.

00:25:12.903 --> 00:25:30.511
Often there's be humble as a cultural thing also for many, many people, and I really don't like the word too much anymore because you can be kind and you can help others without really not doing the thing for you.

00:25:30.511 --> 00:25:39.769
I mean you're not taking anything away from anybody by saying, hey, I did something cool here, or hey, I want this promotion.

00:25:39.769 --> 00:25:42.307
You're not taking anything away from anybody else.

00:25:42.307 --> 00:25:49.113
I never have to tell women to advocate for others, because that's so much easier for us.

00:25:49.113 --> 00:25:51.727
You have to advocate for yourself to, of course.

00:25:51.727 --> 00:25:59.069
An easy starting point is to have like a bright partner and she promotes you, you promote her.

00:25:59.069 --> 00:26:04.010
That is a starting point, but I want you to learn to do it for yourself.

00:26:04.760 --> 00:26:09.412
There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying I did a really cool thing.

00:26:09.412 --> 00:26:13.246
Let me tell you about it and just all new accomplishments.

00:26:13.246 --> 00:26:14.521
I actually make.

00:26:14.521 --> 00:26:16.489
A lot of my clients do a compliment jar.

00:26:16.489 --> 00:26:27.652
I have one, but we're audio, but I can show you Nice, that's what I have very close to my desk and it says well done, mika.

00:26:27.652 --> 00:26:36.201
And it's a big jar and I write myself little notes and they either start with yay me, or I am proud that I did this.

00:26:36.201 --> 00:26:43.426
Or it's not always like again, it's not always a success in the judicial system and in some days it is.

00:26:43.426 --> 00:26:46.047
I'm proud of myself for taking a mental health day.

00:26:46.047 --> 00:26:51.181
That doesn't come easy to me, taking time off during the week, that thing.

00:26:51.181 --> 00:26:54.861
Or I'm proud for walking the dark three times, despite the rain Some days.

00:26:54.861 --> 00:26:55.762
That's an accomplishment.

00:26:56.083 --> 00:26:57.747
Yes, some days it is Okay.

00:26:57.747 --> 00:26:58.969
I like that tactic a lot.

00:26:58.969 --> 00:26:59.830
I'll have to try it.

00:26:59.830 --> 00:27:02.045
Right now, my tactic has been watching suits.

00:27:02.045 --> 00:27:03.986
I don't know if you've ever watched that legal show.

00:27:03.986 --> 00:27:05.480
Okay, so I watched.

00:27:05.480 --> 00:27:12.046
I love Harvey Specter and he is not humble at all with his bragging, so I'm trying to hopefully have some of his.

00:27:12.046 --> 00:27:19.409
The way he goes about things infuses into me, so that's what I watch, not only for entertainment, but for confidence, confidence, learning.

00:27:19.409 --> 00:27:19.509
Yeah.

00:27:21.119 --> 00:27:30.211
Absolutely love that, because you have to start somewhere and you start, of course, always in the space that feels safest to you.

00:27:30.211 --> 00:27:58.128
If that is for those things, it might be maybe your girlfriends more than maybe your family, because they may be in a similar position at work or something and then you go to your colleagues that you work with well, trust a lot, and then the next person right, so you don't start saying, look at me, I'm so great, which is not the phrase that you would use anyway, but you don't start that like the first time you report to the board.

00:27:58.128 --> 00:28:01.527
So you start where it's easy.

00:28:01.527 --> 00:28:15.250
And again, that's something women are like no, I'm supposed to work hard, yeah, yeah, but these things make it as easy for yourself as possible, because that brain, that reptilian brain that wants you to step back, can be cheated.

00:28:15.250 --> 00:28:19.669
That way, if you shuffle outside of your comfort zone, you don't always have to take those.

00:28:19.669 --> 00:28:30.547
Usually, if you extend your comfort zone slowly, that reptilian brain doesn't catch on that much, and that way you can really make that progress.

00:28:31.087 --> 00:28:32.660
Absolutely Well.

00:28:32.660 --> 00:28:38.530
To wrap things up, mika, I wanted to just leave on a couple of takeaways for our listeners.

00:28:38.530 --> 00:28:47.965
What piece of advice, one or two pieces of advice do you think are very important for women, especially because you work with women primarily, so that's why I'm saying women specifically.

00:28:47.965 --> 00:28:49.483
What would you offer them?

00:28:50.000 --> 00:28:58.405
Apart from doing the work I've already described, there is one thing, and it might sound counter-intuitive when you say what's the one thing?

00:28:58.405 --> 00:29:00.285
Be more selfish.

00:29:00.285 --> 00:29:06.291
That's my big piece of advice, because women have no problem helping others.

00:29:06.291 --> 00:29:08.666
That's what we just discussed anyway.

00:29:08.666 --> 00:29:32.482
And I'm working with the term the good selfish because I believe that by women learning to embrace the good selfish, that doesn't take away from all the things you do for others there might be some because they are not good for you and by embracing that good selfish, I feel this is really what will help also future generations.

00:29:32.482 --> 00:29:39.267
You want your daughters to see the bad as you are, and that can be setting boundaries.

00:29:39.267 --> 00:29:40.903
That can be.

00:29:41.243 --> 00:29:48.669
I'm going for that promotion, even though it is a big step and it terrifies me, throwing my head in the ring, taking action.

00:29:48.669 --> 00:29:53.145
See, what is the good selfish for you Ask yourself how does it serve me?

00:29:53.145 --> 00:30:04.419
That's a question women never ask and I say that because I know you're asking yourself how does it serve the company, how does it serve the client, the customer, the colleagues, my family, everybody.

00:30:04.419 --> 00:30:07.769
And I'm just saying add how does it serve me?

00:30:07.769 --> 00:30:09.164
How does it serve me?

00:30:09.164 --> 00:30:12.710
Not throwing out the other stuff, but adding it?

00:30:12.710 --> 00:30:13.131
Yes.

00:30:13.131 --> 00:30:18.011
And the second one so be more selfish, define your good selfish, that's one.

00:30:18.011 --> 00:30:22.967
And if you don't do it for you, do it for your daughters, nieces, young colleagues.

00:30:22.967 --> 00:30:25.807
And the second one is take action.

00:30:25.827 --> 00:30:29.160
Okay, learning and researching is necessary.

00:30:29.160 --> 00:30:30.825
I'm a huge fan of lifelong learning.

00:30:30.825 --> 00:30:33.010
But learning is not taking action.

00:30:33.010 --> 00:30:39.152
If you wait for a, I mean, if you're a lawyer, yes, you need the bar exam to practice.

00:30:39.152 --> 00:30:44.031
But if you are working on a certification, you're doing the work anyway.

00:30:44.031 --> 00:30:53.109
You do not have to wait for that certification to prove to ask for your promotion, ask for your raise, ask for the responsibility, the visibility.

00:30:53.109 --> 00:30:54.265
You're doing it anyway.

00:30:54.265 --> 00:30:59.211
This piece of paper, proverbial paper, does not change that.

00:30:59.211 --> 00:31:01.326
Learning is not taking action.

00:31:01.326 --> 00:31:02.384
That's our comfort zone.

00:31:02.384 --> 00:31:07.971
Great point, you will have to eventually jump off the cliff and do the scary thing.

00:31:07.971 --> 00:31:13.915
And what I said before, that superpower, that strength you have, that's your wings.

00:31:13.915 --> 00:31:20.250
That's your wings, that thing you can always rely on in yourself, the thing you trust, that's your wings.

00:31:20.751 --> 00:31:21.192
I love it.

00:31:21.192 --> 00:31:22.224
Wonderful advice.

00:31:22.224 --> 00:31:24.126
Thank you so much, Micha.

00:31:24.126 --> 00:31:28.510
I've learned a ton and I have a ton of takeaways going into this next year.

00:31:28.510 --> 00:31:34.356
So how can our listeners get in touch with you if they're interested in connecting?

00:31:34.778 --> 00:31:38.009
Absolutely the easiest way to connect with me is LinkedIn.

00:31:38.009 --> 00:31:41.220
You'll find my company, gobi Coaching, but you'll also find me.

00:31:41.220 --> 00:31:46.599
I'm happy to connect Mika Golbig, so you'll have to probably check the spelling, but you'll find me.

00:31:46.599 --> 00:31:48.185
I'm the only one with that name.

00:31:48.185 --> 00:31:50.426
Linkedin is the only social media I do.

00:31:50.426 --> 00:31:52.426
I have given up on all the others.

00:31:52.426 --> 00:31:57.791
You can also send an email to team at MikaGolbigcom.

00:31:57.791 --> 00:32:00.028
I have a website, gobi Coaching.

00:32:00.028 --> 00:32:12.099
So if you are interested in having a conversation, there's a calendar link there and also on LinkedIn, and I'd love to hear from you Takeaways or questions.

00:32:12.099 --> 00:32:13.192
I'd love to help.

00:32:13.496 --> 00:32:13.719
Amazing.

00:32:13.719 --> 00:32:17.351
We will make sure all of your information is in our show notes as well.

00:32:17.351 --> 00:32:18.505
Thank you so much, Micha.

00:32:18.505 --> 00:32:19.846
It was excellent having you on.

00:32:20.059 --> 00:32:21.481
Thank you for having me.

Micha Goebig

Founder & CEO

Hi, I'm Micha,

Life & leadership coach / speaker / thinking partner / trusted adviser to inspiring women
I primarily work with women in tech and other male-dominated industries, guiding my clients through the process of unlearning what holds them back and gaining the confidence they currently lack in their professional environment. Going forward, they will be able to rewrite the rules and change the world – one company, one community, one boardroom at a time.

Born and raised in Germany, I am all about being efficient and pragmatic, solution-oriented and direct. My background is in “old tech”, the German luxury car industry, and since moving to the US I have found that the issues women are facing at leading tech companies and start-ups are rather similar.

This is why I focus mostly on issues such as negative self-talk, impostor syndrome, perfectionism, self-sabotage, etc. in my talks and workshops. On top of that, I work with individual women that inspire me as much as I hope to inspire them – either in 1-on-1 sessions or through coaching office hours at their company.